so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
