If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
