My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
