Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
