i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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