I hate your face
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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