Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
