That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
