Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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