Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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