so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
