My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
