4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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