Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
