do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
