The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
