Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This house was built for laser tag.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize