I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
