I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
