She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
