she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
