I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
