After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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