What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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