so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
