So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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