In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
