She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
