I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
