All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
