Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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