Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
