Betty ford says i'm here all night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
