can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
