we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
