Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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