You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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