i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
