the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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