I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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