Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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