if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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