Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
