the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
