gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
