I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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