If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
