My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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