a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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