come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
