I just saw a hot homeless man
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
