i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
