Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
