Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
