I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
