he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
