I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
