My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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