what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
