Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Drunk is a universal language darling
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