So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
