Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
