I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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