i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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