Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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