just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
