I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
