You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
