I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
