HIV tests are more positive than that guy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
